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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Dark Prophet's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, November 1st, 2006
3:03 pm
The world is in trouble, and what solutuions do we have?
The world is in dire straits but Blair is going to help, apparently.

Yes, the reports are in (the many many reports) and they have concluded:
a) Global warming is here
b) we are a major cause of it
c) we should have been doing something about it 20 years ago
d) if we don’t act soon we’re all screwed.

We’ve also got the ongoing issue that Britain sucks at recycling. We’re way behind on the rest of Europe and it’s really quite pathetic, especially since the landfills are filling up and people scream blue murder every time there is a proposed incinerator.

So Blair’s (and local council’s) response, for both, is to introduce green taxes to encourage less waste and emissions and generally better habits.

Read more...Collapse )
Monday, October 23rd, 2006
1:31 pm
sometimes even Nana-fu experts are caught by surprise
There are some situations that seem almost designed to test the skills of the Nana-fu expert. Some dire situations that can push even the most experienced veteran to the brink of his resources. Under no circumstances is the novice ever to attempt to engage the Avatar of insanity in these situations as there will surely be a wailing and a gnashing of dentures

One of the most severe of these is when on of her devoted keepers tries to attempt a brief holiday involving foreign travel. Foreign travel brings together many elements that any Nana-fu expert dreads. Her schedule changes, instantly sending her already erratic memory and sense of time into the kind of confusion most narcotics cannot achieve – she will lose not only sense of day, but also sense of year, decade and quite possibly century mixed with confusion of person, place and likely even dimension. Without the vague anchor of schedule all is cast adrift. But this is far more severely exacerbated by the presence of FOREIGNERS (not any particular KIND of foreigner you understand, in the Nana world there are 2 countries – Britain and FOREIGN LAND where all kinds of evil and heinous practices abound) which cause her to fall into hyperventilating panic.

So we expect her to be at her very worse, but sometimes even she can catch us by surprise.

Dad: *dutifully helping her out to the car park with the shopping:*
Nana: *randomly trying to buy things she cannot see and wouldn’t understand even if she could*
Mum: *busily trying to pretend she isn’t there*
Nana: So, where’s our James?
Dad: He’s on holiday in Portugal
Nana: Portugal?! *shriek* That’s ABROAD?!
Dad: Yes, I told you.
Nana: oooh, the poor boy! (alas the terror of sunny climes, cheap meals and much alcohol
Dad: *trying to derail the wail* But don’t worry, he’s flying home today!
Nana: Is he?
Dad: yes *checks his watch* he should be in the air now.
Nana: *looks up* Where?
Mum: *collapses laughing*
Monday, October 16th, 2006
12:23 pm
And because it has to be reported
The most interesting character creation dilemma ever known.

Concept: Reality TV show winner

Problem: the character creation system gives you too many points! It's too hard to produce a useless, talentless nark!

Yes, really. We all spent an age desperately figuring out how to produce an unskilled waste of humanity in the character creation system. It's the first time ever I have heard a player complain that they have too many points to spend.
11:29 am
Spam confusion
Ok, I'm trying to figure spam email out.

My first confusion is the same with all kind of telemarketing - basically sheer shock that SOME people must pick up that telephone and say "why yes, I would like double glazing, thank you for dragging me out of my bath to give me this wonderful offer." There must be some people who do get an email and think "wow, cheap drugs and big breasts over the internet given to me by unsolicited email! What a good idea!" That's a pretty scary idea in and of itself and certainly worries me about the future of mankind

But that aisde - we now have stealth spam. Ok I get the idea that you need to get past spam blockers (but even then the question arises - doesn't the fact the guy HAS a spam blocker TELL you that he's not interested) but then they go on to try and hide the subject line as something else - implying they're old friends who have found your email or business associates. Why? Seriously, what is the point. If I am duped into clicking ion an email I assume is from a school friend, do they really think I'm going to look down it and say "oooh look, cheap online viagra. Well it's not my school friend but it is a promising opportunity, let me get my credit card!" If you have to TRICK ME INTO READING YOUR SALES PITCH THAT MEANS I DON'T WANT WHAT YOU ARE SELLING! You'd think that would be obvious.

But it happens all the time. Business actually campaigned against the "do not call list" and bitched about Post Office "no circulars" lists. WHY?! If I'm on a "do not call list" that means I DO NOT BUY CRAP OVER THE PHONE. You should THANK me that I am on that list and praise the list itself because it saves you having to read out your sales pitch to someone who isn't interested!

Same with "No Soliciting" signs. Oh door-to-door person, why did you ignore it? The sign has told you I'm not interested. Now you have just wasted 10 minutes of your time and annoyed us both knocking on the door and forcing me to verbally read the sign to you. Why waste your time?

I just don't get it. What part of people desperately trying to avoid your sales pitch convinces you that they are prime customers?
Thursday, October 12th, 2006
3:08 pm
And in the "I don't need this colum"
Bashed my knee on something last night, hurt like hell (as only a knee smack can) but I managed to crawl into bed and sleep it off (all things cna be cured by sleep and coffee. Oh and alcohol. It is known).

Woke up this morning...
Me: *swings legs out of bed, stands*
Knee: oooh no.
Me: ow! Hey, i need to walk here.
Knee: no no, none of that. Down we go again.
Me: I'm not taking any crap from a stubborn body part, I have waaay too much work to do today
Knee: You're not walking ANYWHERE *throb throb GRIND*

I have discovered something that hurts more than walking on this thing. Driving on this thing.

Needless to say I arrived at work in a less than sunny mood. The world has been put on notice, DP is looking for a random target.
Tuesday, October 10th, 2006
2:59 pm
Work related general rant
I've said it before and I will say ti again:


If you cannot make the appointment onf Tuesday - TELL me and I will get another one. Don't wait until the last minute then cancel or

If you can't get the paperwork to me by the end of the week - TELL ME. Yes, I may be miffed, but not nearly so miffed as you screwing up my entire day because I've made plans around a set of lies. I had to stay several hours after work yesterday because of lies. You have 2 choices - me snarking at your failure now, or me screaming blue murder at your lies later.

Don't lie to me. I'm an adult, I can take the bad news. Lying to me and having the bad news sprung upon me does not make me a happy bunny.
2:37 pm
Politics ramble
Ok, back on the horse and into the game. What do we have on the politics plate?

Read more...Collapse )
Monday, October 9th, 2006
3:26 pm
And while I'm here
A quick apology to Syrius for flaking today. Work has become evil today. More than merely evil. And I hadn't even remembered I was coming up there until about 5 minutes ago. I'm exhausted, worn out, broken, headachey and if I do get out of work on time today (unlikely) i'm really not going to want to drive up to Scabby.

I'm good for tomorrow and I'm certainly good for next week - any use to all?
2:07 pm
And from the ashes I rise again...
*Blows off dust*

*chokes in huge clouds*

Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve been here. Well, contrary to popular rumour, I am not dead, incapacitated, kidnapped and shipped to various foreign climes nor in a secret prison for political dissidents (you always knew there was something sinister about Butlins).

My life has been going through what is no fashionable to call a “transition period” but I seem to be coasting out the other side. (A process not helped by me forgetting my password).

Naturally I won’t be catching up on friends lists because that would take YEARS and like cause another transition period leading to a psychotic episode which may indeed earn me a prolonged period in Butlins.

Likely more will follow. The Avatar of Insanity is still going strong, crazier than ever and certainly my Nana-fu files need updating.

So, hopefully I’m back and here to stay.

(mental note: remember passwords next time)
Wednesday, January 18th, 2006
9:25 pm
A preview of Advanced Nana-fu
The following is extremely advanced Nana-fu and is never to be attempted by a new initiate on pain of migraines and possible foaming at the mouth.

Never, EVER EVER allow her to leave her territory. Her one anchor on sanity (much abused though it may be) is routine and a familiar surroundings.

You want to make this worse (and possibly risk armageddon?) Add anaesthetics.

Nana: I hate it here. I want to leave.
Me: Why?
Nana: It's not safe.
Me: *confused* I promise you it's perfectly safe.
Nana: it's not! I'm surrounded by dangerous drug addicts.
Me: *lost* I don't think you are. (excepting your good self and the ridiculous amount of pills you take every day).
Nana: I am! I've SEEN them. All the time with their drugs and needles.
Me: They're supposed to have them.
Nana: Why? They're not allowed! I KNOW they're not. They're addicts.
Me: They're not, they're...
Nana: AND they tried to make me one! Kept offering me drugs constantly.
Me: Look...
Nana: They said it would make me feel better. But i saw it on the telly, only the first one's free! I'm not standing for it!
Me: It's all free, it's covered by the NHS.
Nana: The NHS covers drug addicts?!
Me: *sigh* No. They're not drug addicts.
Nana: Then what are they then?!
Me: Nurses. You're in a hospital, they're trying to give you your medicine.
Monday, January 16th, 2006
8:02 pm
We have been very remiss.

We who stand against the destruction of all sanity, we who prevent the
forces of madness from utterly overwhelming the world have been terribly
terribly negligent.

We have stood against the tide of total inanity and brain crushing nonsense

but where is the back up contingency? Should, one bleak winter’s
us crusaders for all that is sensible and ordered be found cowering on the
floor, our ears bleeding and unintelligible gibberish spilling from our
(well, more than usual) who will stand against the tide? Surely, the world
could rally eventually before too many nations are lost, but we must act
to prevent this dark and terrible future coming to pass.

So, to this noble end I hereby seek to pass on the ancient and terrible art

of Nana-Fu so that you too may be able to resist the madness.

the art of Nana-fuCollapse )
Saturday, January 7th, 2006
3:28 pm
Happy New Year
Because I nearly forgot.

I'm not making any resolutions because I know I won't keep them and think January is the WORST month to change anything.

In fact, January is the worst month. There is just no excuse for January. January is the evil that simply must be endured.

It's cold and wet and dreary, but unlike december, it's not even festive and cosy anymore. It's just miserable.

There is NOTHING to look forward to for months. Holidays, bank holidays, random miracles - not in January. In January you must endure boring normal work life in bad weather taunted only be memories of the holiday season. Yay.

And everyone starts it so damn positive. It's a new year! And? It will be largely the same as last year and not that different from the year before. There will be changes but that's certainly no excuse to be so damn upbeat in january. And, of course, if you start on a high, the low is just harder.

And all the bad crap you put to one side in December so as not to ruin the holidays now come waving back in the evil winds of January.

It may be guessed that I hate January.

Now I have to go ritually hurt my calendar, because it's the only way I can attack this month.
3:10 pm
Ok, I've been gone for, well, ever.

I'm going to peruse friends list but there's no real way I can get on top of the backlog - so I'm not ignoring you. Well, I am, but I'm doing it because I have no alternative :)

Between everything I haven't so much had no time for journal (don't believe anyone who says they have NO time for 4 months. If they had no free time at all in that time then they'd be dead or in an asylum somewhere enjoying basket weaving and finger painting) but after a few hectic weeks it actually slipped my mind of 'stuff I do'.

Anyway, I'm going to try and sporadically come back.
Thursday, September 8th, 2005
8:36 pm
Vampire reminder
Remind me to post running commentary on the vampire chronicle, if nothing else it helps me keep up with what's happened
Tuesday, September 6th, 2005
6:20 pm
From one extreme to the other
Now we get unreasonable bitching on my part.

As a peace offering (and out of fear for what hapened to the people who gave me decaff - it's like offering sacrifices to a volcano, you see it do something that awful and you'll do ANYTHING to stop it happening again) my terrified colleagues made me coffee. Real coffee (well, insofar as instant coffee can EVERY be real) with caffein.

It was so strong I could not drink it.

No doubt some of you do not find this notable. Those who have seen me drink coffee will no doubt be rubbing their chin since their bottom jaw must have dropped at such speed that they damaged their computer desk.
6:00 pm
Democracy deserters?
The news is bitching about 3.7 million people in this country who do not vote who are eligible. They are termed democracy deserters and it is implied that they are naughty bad folks.

Ok, I do agree in the tiniest way - I strongly believe that if you do not vote you lose bitching rights. You don't want to do that TINY thing to try and change things then you have no right to bitch. If you vote and things are still crap, you get bitching rights reinstated.

But many people don't vote because they think "what's the point?" It's a fair point - in our last election the results were pretty much known long before hand. Even putting that aside, parties seem to be doing more and more to be fairly clone like. Next election is unlikely to bring any great surprises either (though it's early days yet).

Perhaps people would vote if there was someone worth voting for? My choice of MPs in the last election? A Blairite yes-man, a Lib Dem who had NO opinions about ANYTHING or a Tory troglodyte. Whoopy, can't you just feel the democracy passion rising?

But we get the elected officials we deserve, or so they say. The thing is, if you don't vote they assume you have succumbed to apathy and aren't worth considering. Fair point. Now, I wonder what would happen if all the disenchanted went out and voted for a fringe party - Greens, Respect, Monster Raving Looney, Legalise Cannabis Alliance. Yeah, they won't win but it sends a message - these voters CAN be bothered to vote, they just can't stand the people they're supposed to vote for (hey, it worked with the lunatic right - the BNP and UKIP voters goose-stepped their way to the polls and had Michael Howard practically singing their party line).

What we REALLY need is a box under all the candidates marked "You're all crap, send me some better ones." A "pox on all your parties" box. We're not apathetic, the politicians are just pathetic.
Monday, September 5th, 2005
11:26 pm
*growl* *moan* *brains*
Look, when I say I like different types of coffee, that means I like Kenyan, colombian, costa rican, mochas, cappucinos, lattes etc etc

It does NOT - and I wish to make this ABUNDANTLY clear to the whole world for fear of this crime ever being repeated - mean decaf.
Monday, August 29th, 2005
9:44 pm
A few thoughst on the Iraq constitution
Well, it's a document. I'd say don't get excited about it as a great step forward but don't say it's pointless either. It will be a step forwards, maybe, but not a big one and it still needs keeping a cautious eye on.

I see 2-3 big problems at the minute. there will doubtlessly be others and naturally, it's only ink on paper now, it remains to be seen whether it is worth the paper it's written on or will just be the subject of mirthless humour by later historians:

1) The Sunnis do not like it and they're pretty pissed already. It's not going to bring the disaffected back into the fold and the massive attempt to get the Sunnis involved in the democratic process to reassure them that they aren't going to be pushed aside is pretty much lost now. The Sunnis are disaffected, have officially been declared as irrelevant (hey, we want you to agree to this document, because you're important to us. You don't agree? Well sod you, we don't need you anyway). So it's not going to make the government any more acceptable to the Sunnis and may turn even more against it - those who were waiting and hoping to see what happens.

2) Vagueness. Aie, you always get this. Any law or document drafted to try and please opposite factions uses lots of vagueness and empty space to pass - it's dogged the UN for ages. To placate both the Shi'ites and the Kurds many issues have only briefly covered, not covered at all or left in deliberately vague language - such as human rights and the role of Islam. Because there's no detailed specifics, both sides can wander off with their OWN interpretation and be happy. The problem is that eventually these nicely vague terms have to be implemented... watch the fur fly as the interpretations come into conflict.

Semi-3) Ethics for the western nations who invaded Iraq. If Iraq DOES become an Islamic Republic a la Iran with few human rights then where does that leave us. Soldiers died and vast sums were spent to create something unacceptable? Of course, the flip side is interfere (and likely make things worse) and upset any pretence of democracy - creating something unacceptable. Well, damn.

There are other minor points - like the Kurds claiming areas - oil rich areas - as theirs under a federal system that the Sunnis consider theirs (and since they have no oil wealth you’ll bet that will be a squabble) but I think these could end up being the major ones.

Well, it will be interesting - and likely sad - to see how things turn out.
9:08 pm
Political musings
I suppose I should be looking at the Tory leadership race - it will have a huge impact after all... but to be honest I find myself agreeing with Liam Fox (amazing, mark it on your calendar). Howard probably shouldn't have announced his retirement so long before he actually retires. The Tories are now spending so much time on their own internal leadership race that they're all but ignoring Parliament. Besides, giving the Tories an extended length of time to sharpen blades and look for a turned back isn't really a good idea. I'll admit they've behaved themselves surprisingly well, but I'm still looking for the first stilettos.

As to who I wish for? Well, none of them really appeal but Ken Clarke is probably the one I'd like the most.

The flip side of that is that I am left leaning politically - I imagine I wouldn't even be considered a moderate on many issues (though my father considers that I am actually to the right on some - e.g. I think if you are on job seekers allowance, not in an interview or training course and not under the category of those who do not have to work [in which case you're not on jobseekers anyway] then you should be required to devote some of your free time - say 2 hours a day - to some kind of community service. But I digress.) Anyway, I'm left leaning - a Tory leader probably SHOULDN'T be found acceptable or desireable by me.

I do think they need someone more moderate than Howard. Not just because lefty me doesn't like how extreme he got but because the Tory's own backers were worried by it. In the last election the Tories didn't just pander to the scaremongering right but they pandered to National Front Issues - waaay too extreme. You may be able to take advantage of terrorism and immigration backlash but that's not a long term recipe for stability. Yeah, they were scared by UKIP and the National Front seemed to be making frightening gains - but neither achieved any real success in a REAL election (as predicted) and lowering yourself to their standards isn't going to attract disaffected labour or lib dem supporters in vast numbers.

I also think they need someone not so closely affiliated with Thatcher - it doesn't matter whether you thought she was a saint down from heaven or the female personification of satan - that's irrelevent - what is relevent is that most people remember her or her era as bad. It would be like Labour being lead by one of Harold Wilson's cabinet - people have bad memories and you need to break away from them at least symbolically.
Thursday, August 25th, 2005
7:54 pm
And a nana post
Phone rings *reflexive flinch*
Me: hello?
Nana: I’ve lost the tea!
{NB: since Nana went to hospital and came out again mum has been cooking Nana her meals a day in advance for her to warm up for her meals. This was largely because the hospital staff were utterly horrified that this woman was allowed near gas appliances. Also note that in our part of Britain “tea” means evening meal as well as the hot beverage.}
Me: Your tea?
Nana: Yes. I’ve torn apart the fridge looking for it and I still cant’ find it!
Me: Did you eat two yesterday?
Nana: don’t be silly, of course I didn’t! I didn’t eat any!
Me: Well, you must have eaten one.
Nana: I’m not daft! I haven’t eaten any! I just got it out of the box, yesterday!
Me: What box? *utterly confused*
Nana: Here *rumbles off into the distance* Here! This box, see? Look, it’s empty!
Me: Nana, you’re on the PHONE. I can’t see anything.
Nana: Wait, I’ve just had a thought… *rumbles off again*
Me: *sigh*
Nana: I’ve found them!
Me: Them?
Nana: the tea bags, of course! They were in the cupboard.
Me: *revelation moment* OH! That kind of tea… waaaait why did you tear your fridge apart? You don’t keep tea in the fridge…
Nana: *mumbles something unintelligible*
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